Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Four years on the job

Four years ago this morning, I woke up at an ungodly hour.  I don't think I was even sleeping when the alarm went off.  I took a shower, put on the only shirt that fit me and nervously climbed into the passenger seat of the car.

Brad and I were on our way to the hospital to have our babies.

I remember that the temperature was cool.  I remember that the ride in the elevator was surreal.
The nurses were a hive of activity as I laid on the bed, ready to be transported into the operating room.  Brad put on a gown and waited, anxious and annoyed that he couldn't be with me, as I got an epidural.

The Doctor started explaining what she was doing.  I asked her to withhold a "play-by-play".
I had just spent 35 weeks and 5 days making people, but now I was a spectator.  I would sit back and let the lives I created come into this world.  After the next moment, I would no longer be a spectator or on the sidelines.  I would have a big job ahead of me.  I tried to enjoy this moment.

"Here is Baby A"
(My first thought upon seeing my darling little girl was, "Huh.  I guess that is what my kids look like.  Huh.")

Before I could gather another thought - 
"Here is Baby B"
("Huh.  That one doesn't look anything like the other one.")

I was aware of the instant activity as they whisked Baby A away.  The nurses were making sure that she couldn't struggle to breathe.  Although I was aware that this might be the case, I was increasingly concerned as I kissed the head of Baby B.

I would see my daughters for one more brief moment before I was left to my own recovery.
I touched their feet, noticed their thick hair.  I was aware of a man next to me receiving pamphlets for corrective surgery for his child's cleft palate.

I wouldn't see them again until 9pm that evening.  14 hours of waiting.
I was wheeled into the NICU to start my job in which I had awaited a lifetime.
"Mam, no time to spare.  Each child needs changing.  Let me show you how to change them inside the isolate and then you need to feed them..."

My job had started.
I became a Mom 4 years ago this morning.
Happy Birthday to the two most amazing people I have ever met.
I love you, my baby girls.
You are everything to me.