Four years ago this morning, I woke up at an ungodly hour. I don't think I was even sleeping when the alarm went off. I took a shower, put on the only shirt that fit me and nervously climbed into the passenger seat of the car.
Brad and I were on our way to the hospital to have our babies.
I remember that the temperature was cool. I remember that the ride in the elevator was surreal.
The nurses were a hive of activity as I laid on the bed, ready to be transported into the operating room. Brad put on a gown and waited, anxious and annoyed that he couldn't be with me, as I got an epidural.
The Doctor started explaining what she was doing. I asked her to withhold a "play-by-play".
I had just spent 35 weeks and 5 days making people, but now I was a spectator. I would sit back and let the lives I created come into this world. After the next moment, I would no longer be a spectator or on the sidelines. I would have a big job ahead of me. I tried to enjoy this moment.
"Here is Baby A"
(My first thought upon seeing my darling little girl was, "Huh. I guess that is what my kids look like. Huh.")
Before I could gather another thought -
"Here is Baby B"
("Huh. That one doesn't look anything like the other one.")
I was aware of the instant activity as they whisked Baby A away. The nurses were making sure that she couldn't struggle to breathe. Although I was aware that this might be the case, I was increasingly concerned as I kissed the head of Baby B.
I would see my daughters for one more brief moment before I was left to my own recovery.
I touched their feet, noticed their thick hair. I was aware of a man next to me receiving pamphlets for corrective surgery for his child's cleft palate.
I wouldn't see them again until 9pm that evening. 14 hours of waiting.
I was wheeled into the NICU to start my job in which I had awaited a lifetime.
"Mam, no time to spare. Each child needs changing. Let me show you how to change them inside the isolate and then you need to feed them..."
My job had started.
I became a Mom 4 years ago this morning.
Happy Birthday to the two most amazing people I have ever met.
I love you, my baby girls.
You are everything to me.